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Case Study: Marta stopped seeking approval and started commanding respect
2026-05-11

Marta* is a principal scientist at a food company. We worked together for 3 months.
*Name and identifying details have been changed with the client's permission.

The Situation
When Marta reached out for coaching, she was facing what I call the “my boss is an emotional terrorist” phenomenon.

Marta had bosses in the past whose ample encouragement motivated her to excel. But her new boss’s harsh, erratic feedback was wearing her down.

“I was doubting myself every time I spoke in meetings. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to survive in this corporate world.”

Marta thought that coaching might help her become a better employee so she can finally earn her manager’s approval. Or she’d find a different job, with a nicer manager.

I suggested that we first figure out if Marta was truly a “bad” performer, as the manager’s comments often made her feel.

“I felt safe while sharing my experiences with Larissa. Somedays, I show up confidently. Other days, I am very anxious. She maintained calmness throughout.”

The Real Situation
It turned out that the manager did provide positive feedback, which Marta discounted. Negative feedback, on the other hand, sent her spiraling for days.

“Larissa immediately recognized that the biggest problem with my situation is lack of self-confidence and validation.”

The Solution:

Marta could switch to a job with a manager who would prop up her ego. Or she could start building self-belief in this current job. She focused on the latter, knowing that with more confidence, she’ll feel strong and empowered wherever she goes.

“When I considered switching jobs, Larissa helped me think carefully about what I would gain and what I would miss. There was a lot that I liked about my job. And you can't promise good managers/colleagues even in other jobs.”

Instead of unquestioningly absorbing all feedback, I challenged Marta to develop her own opinion, advocate for her work, and integrate inbound feedback only if she decided it made sense. (Not all feedback makes sense!)

Instead of designing a presentation that would please her boss (which wouldn’t work, because an erratic boss is inherently unpredictable and difficult to please), she created a presentation that satisfied her own good taste.

“Was this my best presentation? Maybe not, but it was a presentation that I was really confident in.”

Instead of staying quiet when she was passed over for recognition on a major effort, Marta practiced stating her case with composure.

“I couldn’t sleep that night. And wondered maybe I should quit my job. I felt that people took me for granted, thinking that if I don’t say anything, I’d be fine with whatever they do.

…Larissa and I had talked about how I can’t control the outcome of how people respond. This isn’t about getting recognition; it’s about expressing how I felt. I can say, hey, I am upset. And I wanted them to know: when I invest my time and talents like this, I expect an outcome like that."

The Results
Marta gained the confidence to advocate for herself in the face of intimidating feedback.

“Even from my VP, I could see a shift in how she treated me.

If I hadn't worked with Larissa, I would have continued to think that I am not smart, I am not enough. Larissa helped me deep dive into all my past achievements and see value in what I do. I was able to realize that the problem isn’t me.

I still doubt myself, but the biggest learning is how to come out of that cycle more quickly. It is an intentional journey rather than an inspirational podcast. That was something transformational in my thought process.”

If you're ready to transform the way you think at work, apply for a free strategy session.